Not a Celebration: National Adoption Month
What if I told you that infant adoption isn’t something to celebrate? Continue reading Not a Celebration: National Adoption Month
Category: The Adopted Birthmom
Essays about adoption
Dumb Letter 2020
I just wrote my dumb letter for 2020. I do this exercise in futility every year, hoping for a different outcome every time. I spend days carefully crafting each sentence, replacing words if they seem too direct, too demanding, too pathetic. I reread it and sit with it for weeks, too afraid to put my pen on paper to actually write it. I dig out … Continue reading Dumb Letter 2020
Is this your first?
“Is this your first!?” It’s a question I’ve heard dozens of times over the past six months, and I’m sure to hear it dozens more times over the next six. It’s a question that, for me, has so many answers. Continue reading Is this your first?
On her birthday
I took a big leap today and finally did something for Summer’s 11th birthday. Continue reading On her birthday
A Childless Mother
I remember sitting in my bedroom, the small room smooshed between the small living room in front and the small kitchen in back. I remember sobbing uncontrollably, holding my round belly with both hands, caressing my little one while she dozed in her peaceful bed. Continue reading A Childless Mother
Dear Birthmother
Dear Birthmother, We are more equipped to raise your baby than you are. We have more money and more love to give. You can fill a hole in our lives by ripping one in your heart. And you will do it because you are desperate. You are a pawn on our chess board, and you do not matter. Sincerely, The Parents Your Child Deserves Continue reading Dear Birthmother
Dumb Letters…and Cookies
I sent this year’s dumb letter in the mail yesterday. It was probably the lamest dumb letter I’ve written them, especially compared to last year’s emotional keening about Summer’s Middle Eastern roots and the fears I have for her in Trump’s Muslim-hating America. I should have known better than to get emotional – they didn’t respond. But they never respond, so what does it even … Continue reading Dumb Letters…and Cookies
In It: Feeling Adoption Loss at Christmastime
I’m in it right now. It’s not words – there aren’t even words to describe it or personify it or explain it, really. But words are all I have for expression, so I’ll try. I feel flat: without shape or depth. I feel numb: without feeling or heart. I feel empty: without substance or worth. I feel sad, hopeless, lonely. Lacking. I’ve been thinking about … Continue reading In It: Feeling Adoption Loss at Christmastime
The Thousand Words of a Picture
We’ve all heard it: a picture says a thousand words. But what are those words? It’s easy to assume that those words are the thoughts you have about the picture, but that’s not the case. Everyone who looks at a picture will imbue it with their personal views, their experiences, their biases, their emotions. The thousand words shared by one person in one picture will … Continue reading The Thousand Words of a Picture
Regret
My regrets come from clarity in hindsight. And they are numerous. Continue reading Regret
To Keep Her Safe
They say hindsight is 20/20, and in this case, that is absolutely true. Continue reading To Keep Her Safe
The Mother I Didn’t Deserve
She’s the worst person I’ve ever had the misfortune of knowing. I wish I was exaggerating. Continue reading The Mother I Didn’t Deserve
My Story is Rooted in Adoption
Every member of the triad tells a completely different story. My siblings and I have vastly different stories. The story of my biological mother is night-and-day-different from my story of being a birthmother. I’ve never met an adoptee nor a birthmother with the same story as me. Continue reading My Story is Rooted in Adoption
Letters by the Dumb, Written for Deaf Eyes
This is what it is to be a birthmother: to love someone who doesn’t even know you exist. Continue reading Letters by the Dumb, Written for Deaf Eyes
My Heroes
I can’t discuss my heroes without also discussing adoption. For me, the two are inextricably linked. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s funny, in the adoption world there really are no rules or solid expectations because no two stories are the same. Even the stories experienced and told by siblings differ. There are feelings that are similar in most stories, there are … Continue reading My Heroes
In Kim's Words 